I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My feet surprised me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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