whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
