This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
