I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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