I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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