i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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