rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
