I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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