She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
