New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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