in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
