i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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