yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
