I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
