He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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