ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize