tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
