I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
