Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
