im drinking this country out of the recession.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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