So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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