i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
