just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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