I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
