I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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