So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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