They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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