i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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