by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is the high leading the old right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
