I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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