Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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