eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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