She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
