pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
