OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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