New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
