allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
