There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
