Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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