You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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