Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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