were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
