I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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