: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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