Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
