I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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