you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
