i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
