She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
