i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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