I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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