I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
