I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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