So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
