Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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