if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
