Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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