Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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