Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
