when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
