I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
