2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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