I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
