got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
