Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come share oat with me in your robe
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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