I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize